12. Freeze

‘Excuse me, what are you staring at?’

Oh shit, he caught me. I knew this would happen. I knew that this was a stupid idea. I jumped, as if he had startled me out of a day dream.

‘I’m sorry, what did you say?’

‘Do you need help or anything? You were staring at me.’

I shook my head. ‘No, no. I must have been lost in my own thoughts, I’m sorry.’ I waved at him as I stepped off the bus as the doors were about to close. I had no idea what stop this was. The doors closed behind me and the man continued to look at me as the bus drove off. ‘Godammit.’ I said as the bus drove off. I kicked the trashcan, which rattled forlonely as we stood there alone in the slush. We felt abandoned.

I turned to the trashcan and explained to it, ‘I told them this wouldn’t work. They said that people wouldn’t notice. They noticed! I told them, they would notice!’ I shook my head and began to march back in the direction that I had come from on the bus.

In 15 minutes I arrived at the hospital. I walked past the reception and avoided any eye contact. I got into the elevator, where a porter was already standing there with his trolley of dirty linens. He smiled at me as I got on the elevator. I snorted out of frustration and slammed one fist into the other. He had caught me! Why wasn’t my guard up, you dummy!

The porter frowned. ‘Are you alright there, pal? Is everything OK?’

I looked down at the ground. I am sorry, alright! I am sorry, please forgive me!’

I smashed the button for the third floor a few times and shifted my weight from foot to foot as I waited for the doors to close. The elevator rose to the second floor, where it stopped and the doors opened. I looked out into the lobby, but there was no one to get on. What in the world? I asked myself.

‘Im really sorry, pal, but I just need to get off here,’ Said the porter.

I glued myself up to the side of the elevator. ‘I am really sorry, again I am really sorry. Please just go.’

‘No, mate, I can’t get the trolley past you like that. You need to get off.’

I made a face. That was ridiculous, this wasn’t my floor and the elevator was humongous, it was meant for a gurney and a trauma team to all fit on at once.

I didn’t move.

The man didn’t say anything, and the doors to the elevator closed.

‘What floor are you going to, then?’ He asked.

I pointed at the bank of floor buttons for him to decipher.

He nodded slowly. ‘Alright, I will just get off after you then.’

‘Please don’t follow me.’ I mumbled into the aluminum of the elevator wall.

‘What?’

I turned my head to look him in the chest - ‘Do not follow me! I said I was sorry!’

He put both of his hands up in the air and grabbed at a button on a lanyard around his neck. ‘Ok pal, OK, no problem. Just take it easy. I’ll just take the elevator down after you have gotten off.’

‘Yes, of course, why didn’t you think of that before, that is much simpler.’

The doors opened onto the third floor. I stepped out and walked a few steps away from the elevator and then jumped around to make sure that the porter wasn’t also getting out of the elevator. I watched it like a hawk until the doors closed and the elevator began to descend. I then turned and sprinted down the hallway towards room 311.

When I got to room 311 I intended to storm into the room and put my finger in her face and shout ‘I told you so!’, but the door was locked. I rattled the handle a few times, but to no success. I huffed and stared at the number on the door.

Suddenly I heard the lock slide in the door and the door opened in front of me. The door opened enough to allow her head to pop out. She looked at me severely.

‘Yes?’ She asked me.

I tilted my head. My mouth opened a little and I wasn’t sure what to say now. ‘Excuse me, but it didn’t work.’

‘I am sorry?’

I nodded. ‘I hope so. I looked at him and he saw me.’

She shook her head in confusion.

‘I told you that they would catch me, that I couldn’t look at them, and they did! They caught me.’ I found the courage to lift my hand and point my finger into the air in declaration. ‘Do you understand the consequences of this?!’

‘I am occupied right now. This is inappropriate. We have an appointment again next week, which I will cancel if you do not leave immediately. Go away.’

I was speechless. I was shocked, I was betrayed. How dare she.

‘Everything is not OK!’

She looked me up and down. She looked me up and down! ‘I can see that, but you shouldn’t be here.’

I heard a large commotion of men and footsteps down by the elevator bank. I looked down the hallway and saw their shadows on the corridor walls. My jaw dropped.

‘See!’ I said, pointing down the hallway. ‘Look what you’ve done!’ I didn’t have time to see her register her betrayal as I turned and began to walk towards the elevator banks. I knew what to do now. I took off my coat as I walked towards the enemy and turned it inside out and put it back on, just like I had practiced. I got to the elevators and four security guards were standing there. They looked at me as I walked past them (no eye contact) and pressed the button for the elevator.

One of them tried to get my attention. ‘Excuse me, sir, but are you alright?’ I held my nerve and ignored them. The doors opened up and I got on without saying a word. ‘Excuse, me, but your coat is on inside out.’ How did they know?!

My face began to turn red but I held out, knowing they were trying to flush me out but I had to hold my nerve, I couldn’t give the game away. The doors closed behind me. I heard the man who addressed me begin to talk into a radio. I pressed the button for the seventh floor, because the last thing they expect is that you will go up.

When I got to the seventh floor, I found the nearest stairwell and began to descend to the ground floor. When I got to the lobby, the same man who addressed me on the third floor was waiting there by the entrance. I managed to sit down casually in a chair along the wall before they saw me. I was breathing heavily and was trying to figure out how in the world I would get out of here without me seeing them. As I knew, and had explained many times, once I see the faces of men, they see me. They know me immediately, and then the game is up.

I began to panic so I just got up from my chair and made a run for the main entrance. The radio man saw me and grabbed at my inside-out jacket. I was ready for that, and I let the jacket fall off of my shoulders and into the man’s hands. I made it out the door and sprinted for bus stop. If I could get there and keep my eyes down this time, this time like always, as I knew I was supposed to do and always did until she put those ideas into my head, then I would have any problems. Everything would be fine.

I made it. Suddenly, a police cruiser drove past the bus stop going in the other direction and pulled a u-turn a little ways down the road. It pulled over to the curb and stood there. I didn’t make eye contact, but I tried to keep the car in the corner of my eye. Did you know if you want to catch something you need to look at it out of the corner of your eye, not directly? It’s game over when you look at it.

A police officer got out of the passenger side of the car and came up to the bus stop. I looked down at the ground and ignored him.

‘Hey pal, are you alright?’

He wasn’t going to flush me out, either.

‘Where’s your jacket? Its below freezing, and you are in a t-shirt.’

He was right, it was cold, but I wasn’t going to freeze up. They weren’t going to get me that easily.

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