5. Sleep

‘I don’t know what to say, I really need to sleep, but I can’t.’

The doctor nodded. ‘Indeed, Indeed. But perhaps if you are waking up, then you are not tired anymore?’

Phil shook his head. ‘I woke up at 3AM this morning.’

‘What time did you got to bed?’ Asked the doctor, tapping his pen on his lower lip. He raised his eyebrows in enquiry.

‘10 o’clock.’

‘Indeed, Indeed. Five hours sleep you say?’

‘Well, I kind of fell back asleep, maybe. I was half asleep until 4.’

The doctor pointed his pen at Phil. ‘What happened at 4?’

‘My daughter woke up.’

‘Does she suffer from the same symptoms as yourself, then?’

Phil nodded, but he wasn’t convinced. ‘No, not like that, she just gets cold at night.’

The doctor frowned. ‘Well, why don’t you tuck her in properly then? Why do you let your daughter get cold at night?’

Phil shook his head. ‘No, that’s not really it, you can’t get her to keep warm, she resists it. You can do nothing about it-she gets cold at night?’

‘Sure there is a remedy,’ Said the doctor, thinking of his own children. They were in their twenties now, and he couldn’t imagine them waking up at 4. They were rarely asleep by 4 now. Why did he know this? Why were they still at home. He didn’t want to know this kind of thing about his adult children, and resolved to do something about it one day.

Phil adjusted his jacket on his lap. ‘We even tried a sleeping bag, but it didn’t work.’

The doctor looked quizzical. ‘You mean it didn’t keep her warm?’

‘No it might have even been to warm. The problem was that she even learned how to kick her way out of that. She would start howling in the middle of the night. You come in, and crumpled at her feet was the sleeping bag. She’s pulled her shirt up to her armpits and is scratching at her diaper. She doesn’t want you to help her, but you better not go away, either. Or else.’

‘Indeed, Indeed. That sounds dreadful.’

Phil nodded vigorously.

The doctor took some notes in the patient journal on his computer. He looked down through his glasses at the screen and clicked a couple of the boxes in the program. He nodded, then turned back to Phil.

‘So you daughter isn’t letting you fall back asleep after you have woken up?’ He asked Phil.

‘No, I mean she doesn’t -’

‘Well sounds like we have the cause of your misfortunes, then.’

‘No, you see that’s not entirely right- I still can’t fall asleep before she wakes up. It’s not like I fall back asleep and then am immediately woken up by her again.’

‘So you are suggesting that there is something else keeping you up?’

Phil nodded.

‘Might it be something that is preventing you from sleeping.’

‘What is the difference, Doctor Madison?’

The doctor wagged his head from side to side. ‘I am not sure, I just wanted to rephrase the problem and see if things looked more promising from that angle.’ The doctor squared himself in his chair and faced Phil.

‘Phil, I’m gonna give it to you straight.’

Phil nodded, his brow furrowed.

‘It’s terminal.’

‘What! What do you mean?’

‘You will die of this.’

Phil’s heart stared pounding in his chest, the world felt like it was ending and there might not be anything left soon. The world would end with him, slow deaths of heat and starvation for all those that he loved. ‘I can’t believe it, I had no idea.’

‘Yes, Phil, its unavoidable unfortunately.’ The doctor sniggered. ‘Don’t worry, though, its just life.’

‘Life?! What do you mean?’

Doctor Madison shrugged.

‘What the hell kind of joke is that!’ Said Phil. He was about to throw his jacket at Dr. Madison and smash the man’s computer onto the floor. He stood up, furious, and was about to really give it to him.

The doctor put his hands up in supplication.‘Yes, I know, not that funny, but also true. Life is the culprit here, and the survival rate is zero.’

‘Is this what they teach you at medical school?’

The doctor laughed. ‘No of course not, but we all forget it anyways. Don’t go to a doctor who says anything like, Well, in medical school… They aren’t doing you any favors.’

‘I don’t think you are doing any favors, either. Your fucking lucky we know each other from school, or I would sue your ass. Fuck you. Seriously, is there something you can do, or not?

The doctor leaned back in his chair and put his chin in his hands. He looked hard at Phil for a few seconds. He was thinking about his wife now and how she had bought a new car without telling him. She said she told him, and that he even approved of the color, but he couldn’t remember any of this. And also, gray is a profoundly dull color, if he was going to get her a Mercedes it would not be gray, she should really be better.

‘Well, what is it?’ prodded Phil.

The doctor finally nodded and rested his hands on his knees. ‘Phil, I am sorry, there isn’t much I can do. Entonmonosis’

Phil was silent for a second. ‘What is that, exactly.’

‘Well, Mr. Samsa, I am afraid that in the near future, you might wake up with a very surprising discovery.’

‘Well, What?’ Demanded Phil.

The doctor began to turn red. ‘That you have woken up and become a bug!’ The doctor let out a guffaw they could hear in the waiting room.

Phil shook his head. ‘You bastard, honestly.’Phil had been hearing Samsa jokes his entirely life and was outraged that he fell for one now.

Dr. Madison nodded his head while he stifled a laugh.

‘There is nothing wrong with me, is there.’

The doctor turned red while he kept the laugh within himself. He shrugged.

‘Fine!’ Said Phil, standing up. ‘Fine! I’m going then!’

The doctor stood up and put out a hand to stop Phil. ‘No, Phil, please stay, I’m sorry. I am inappropriate when there is bad news.’

Phil turned back to his friend. ‘So something is wrong?’

‘Yes, yes there is.’

‘So what is it then?’

‘My children, I think they are failures. They do nothing good and have become instagram stylists.’

Phil just shook his head as he put his jacket on. ‘Alright I get it, I get it, I’m fine, it’s life’

‘My wife, she just bought an ugly expensive car.’

Phil just nodded, his gaze down towards the floor as he walked out the door. He closed the door behind him, took his scarf out of his pocket and wrapped it too tightly around his neck. He took his phone out of his pocket and saw that the kindergarten had tried to call him three times while he was in with the doctor. They had sent him a message as well. They couldn’t reach his wife, but his daughter had thrown up into the legos, and he needed to come pick her up. He might need to replace the blocks too, it said, but they could talk about that when he arrived.

At the kindergarten his daughter was in the teacher’s break room, sitting forlornly in a chair with her jacket on, but unzipped. She looked up when he opened the door.

‘How is it going, sweetie?’

She growled at him.

‘Stomach a little funny?’

‘My stomach hurts.’

The teacher came into the room behind him. ‘Are you feeling better now, honey?’

The daughter looked up at the teacher but didn’t reply. Phil turned to the teacher and was greeted with a grim look.

‘There are a lot of upset boys downstairs,’ She said quietly to Phil. ‘They really need their legos.’

‘I’m really sorry about that, we will see what we can do.’

‘Legos are expensive, you know.’

Phil nodded.

‘I, they boys – we really need legos at this time of day. I need to make the day work.’

‘I’m really sorry.’

‘Good,’ Said the teacher. ‘Are you OK? You look more beat that usual.’

Phil nodded. ‘Indeed. Was just at the doctor.’

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Yes,’ Said Phil. ‘Apparently its terminal.’

The teacher held her hand up to her mouth. ‘Oh no, I’m so sorry.’

‘Life is tough, isn’t it?’

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